Sajda

Last week, I had a ladies night out. Probably the first in my life. We went to watch "My Name is Khan".
I laughed & cried
And sang & smiled.

For all those out there, I hate SRK. "Some" may call that prejudice :-). But it is a fact.
There is nothing unique in that guy. At least from where I stand.

I was truly open to the idea of watching this movie with the girls, though. Wonderful company where I could truly be myself.

Anyways, the movie started OK. But at one point, where Ammi teaches the little autistic boy about good people & bad people, I cried!
And that was not the only moment I cried.
For every time when Rizvan bombards Mandira with "Marry me", I laughed!
And that was not the only moment I laughed.
For the songs, "Sajda" & "Tere Naina" I sang my heart out.
And those were not the only moments I sang.
And the scene when Khan(from the epiglottis) asks the President for his phone#, I smiled. And that was definitely not the only moment I smiled.

And I find myself at sufficient deficiency to express all those San Francisco moments. I just love the city!

I will not testify that this is a good or a great movie. I love this movie because it touched me like no other & will stay with me for a long time. Part of it has to do with whom I watched it. :-)
I cannot look at the "Sajda" song any other way than the 'intense' way I'd been exposed to it last week(thanks, you-know-who). Now I listen to this song whenever I want to feel rejuvenated.
Thanks to a friend who was kind enough to send me the entire lyrics & the meaning for the lyrics. Call me crazy, will you?

I am Grateful

because, my mother got initiated to Shambhavi a week ago.
because, she is feeling ecstatic so,
because, I can already see the transformation lo,
because, I am able to connect to her in a totally different way, so.
Because I am so grateful, I bow!

Mahashivarathri

I was so tired that I was not sure if I would be up until midnight. I had to be somewhere next morn at 7am & I was sure I did not want to wake up the whole night & crash at 6am.
When I turned on the webstream from Isha, I was in for surprise. The whole program kept me up, awake & energized & I found myself swaying & dancing & embracing the night to the best I could. I should've known it earlier. It was Isha, after all. What else did I expect?
Meditating at midnight with Sadhguru was something I never thought of at last year's Shivarathri.
The dogmatic ideas of my logical mind seem to get weaker. Maybe I should toss them out myself :-)
Instead of going into the details I can sum it up, "This is one day, er night that was something like never before".
Thank you Isha for the oppurtunity. Turned out, a lot of us were dancing to Sivamani's & Vikku Vinayakam's tunes. Absolutely fantastic!

Volunteering with Isha

Why do I volunteer there? With Isha?
I HAVE NO CLUE.
But every time I hear of an IE program in the area, I just have to be there. The one that happened 2 weeks ago was life-changing. Yes. It was like attending the program all over again. The depth of each word said sank deeper. I am going somewhere. I know not of my destination, but I have begun this journey. A journey of self-discovery.
When it is such a journey, who cares about the destination anyways.

I have let go of(so many of) my mental blocks. I still own quite a bit, but it is probably a matter of time before I can let them go too. I am doing things way over my capacity. Me & G are juggling between things in such an easy manner(& with so much happiness & acceptance), that I find it hard to believe it is me. I am a planning/control freak that I cannot do anything without planning a few dozen times over & over again. The very fact that I am not alarmed by most things(not everything, yet) that happen without my planning blows the hell out of me.
The human beings that initially did not want to do their IE because they could not spend 30 min in a day for themselves are now doing ~2 hrs every day. It is amazing how much we can underestimate our potential!
As parents, we look forward to each morning where we can figure how to do our practices & manage the active little angel. Wow, Life is so much possible!
Every day is a new beginning. Each moment a new adventure & we welcome it with open hearts. Change is happening every day in every possible way. Instead of scorning at it, how beautiful it is to embrace it & merge with the flow?
I possessed anger for over a decade now. I could get upset or provoked at the most simple things. Now, I am able to laugh over it. "How more stupid could I have got?"
Life has become that much more effortless. Carrying myself around has become that much easier & lighter. And I did not know I carried such a heavy baggage all along.

Thanks to Isha & my Guru who refuses to be called so. If she reads this, she will know it is her. I am at a total loss of words to express my gratitude or devotion(or whatever else it is) to her. If Love is what I have for her, then I am probably belittling the emotion. It is way bigger than the heaviest emotion I can even mention.
It is so overwhelming & humiliating all at the same time.
I am not judging it;evaluating it; figuring what it is. For now I can say that I am able to experience it as it is. And it is so darn beautiful!
There is only life, life & more life.