Petrichor

The last few weeks have been very humbling. I have been visiting Edmonton to present Isha Kriya to people. The crowd hasn't been crazy et al. But close to 25 new people know about Sadhguru and Isha Kriya. And the change is already showing. We are having Surya Kriya programs in Calgary and Edmonton. I barely slept 5 hours on 2 days; Saw my daughter probably half of the time she was awake; thanks to a supportive husband, I forgot that I had a family. Every time I stood before people, I trusted every word I said. There is probably nothing in this world that I would do with this much conviction. It made everything worthwhile. This is the best aspect of being a volunteer. The process is humbling and the end result so worthwhile. There is something that makes me feel like nothing. I am able to place myself aside. I become someone I can only dream of becoming. Those moments...when i dissolve...don't exist...how can i express in words? It is the most wonderful feeling I have ev...

Life after Samyama is very different. I don't remember how life was before knowing certain truths. Nor do I know a way to go back there. In many ways, it feels like a one-way trip. Recently, I had the opportunity to watch the IYC streaming on Sadhguru's birthday. I have no clue in what state I was within myself. I was not prepared for the surprise that hit me. Tears just swelled in my eyes. A friend asked why? what?  I wish I knew. Maybe not. His talk shattered my world. Every birthday, I need to celebrate my life with enough awareness that I will not have it forever. I should think about death on my birthday. My death. Quite a feat! But the thought that is troubling me most is ... Who am I? Caught up in this world, running behind things that matter less in reality, worrying about things/people on what I have no control of, caring for my own knowing that these were all I clearly grabbed recently. Who the hell am I? Renounciation is definitely used in a negative sense....

I've been wanting to write about my 8 day silence program ever since I got back home. But every single time I attempted to write about it, I would turn blank. After a while, I did not want to write about it at all. Four months after the program, I am not sure I realize the magnitude of its effect on me. I can definitely feel and see the changes. Almost like a new ME. Only that, if it is ME or me, doesn't seem very significant now. I don't claim that I have been there, done it all. No way! There are still so many struggles that I go through. So many things that bother me. But, somewhere, it is ok. Whatever be it. It's just OK. I don't have the need to be emotional. As much. It is so much easier to detach myself from most situations if I really wish to. What all we had to go through in the name of preparations for the program? The daily practices!!  The diet!!  The schedule changes!!! When I sat for the program, I wanted to feel, "This is it. This is th...

My last few hours in India. At the very famous Delhi T3. S asleep. I was dead exhausted physically, from carrying around a sleeping girl through immigration and security. Added to it was the fact that the flight departed at 3.00 am. I would've gladly accepted a "grumpy" label. G took a walk to refresh himself while I settled to slumber on the floor below S(lying on a sofa). He returned back & asked me to go around so I try to open my eyes in time for departure. He asked me to take a good 1 hr. But I promised him I will be back in 20 min. I planned to look around the airport, as it truly seemed to be the best Indian airport I have seen thus far(the only other is Chennai, which doesn't technically count as an International airport per say). As I continued looking on, my eyes seemed to give up on me. And then I saw it.  india. explore. ishana OMG! How did I not remember? er, how did I forget in the first place? Bells rang in my ears. Isha...Theerthkund...

2011 was not just another year. Some beautiful things happened. Visited Bay area, attended powerful programs, saw the Devi, ecstatic after a friend's visit, made new commitments, drove to Alaska, enjoying a pleasant winter, and now gearing up for an experience-of-a-lifetime early next year. Could not have asked for anything better; Grateful for each lesson learnt; Looking forward to THE trip to India. It feels like home. Always! I can't wait to smell the air,...people....look awed at all the new changes as we drive out...mmm... Lots of adventure - me alone with S for over 24 hrs!!! Lots of shopping Lots of meeting & greeting Lots of yummy food A visit to the beach, hopefully :) Staying awake a whole night And LOTS of meditation!!! 2012...Can't wait. I am all yours!

I have been watching myself lately. I am so much happier. So much more joyful. I feel life within. I breathe. I smell. I enjoy. I respond. All the simple things in life matter so much more to me now than ever. I feel like a child in many ways. I enjoy music. I enjoy the sun...seriously, that is a big deal for me. I enjoy the storms. I enjoy good company. I enjoy being alone. In so many ways, I feel fulfilled. I do not worry about a tomorrow, though I plan for it. I am able to do so many things with abandon. As if I don't care. Truth is I care too much. About what I do. Not about the outcome. It is freedom in many ways. Some people may call it liberation. But it seems too big a word, right now. Freedom is fine. Happiness seems just right. :) Having S around definitely adds to the beauty, as she is so full of life too. I seem to be attracting intense & joyful people too :) I am grateful. For what I am today. Thanks to Isha.

with a BANG. I am completely blown over. And the party of life has begun! The intensity of just 3 days was way more than the total intensity of my entire life. The whole world seems like a whole new place. And I feel so privileged to be a part of this. Every person I see seems to be a part of me & I feel like I am a part of every single thing around me. It feels strangely wonderful. When it comes to Isha, I am always at a loss for words because what I experience is way beyond than words can express. The ashram, Mahima, the residents, the volunteers, the food, the work - everything is powerfully humbling. Every moment of everyday, whatever happens there & the impact of what is happening there is just too much to even comprehend. The volunteers, how many ever times I look at them, just the way they are, the way they served us food, the very willingness of how much they want to be a part of making this happen to participants like me is overwhelming. BSP was different. Very differ...

Point Reyes. Pacific coast. The famous 101. Golden Gate. San Francisco skyline. The sequence of what I saw as I landed into this country. Familiarity. Smile. I know places like the back of my head and it sure felt like home. Home for 7 wonderful years. Even in my wildest dreams I did not think I would find myself in SFO and someone would pick me up. It seemed surreal. Too good even for a story. I am probably creating drama, but this city brought back memories. Sadhguru's Shambhavi Program & Yantra consecrations! I did not think what I'd receive being here. I just came. I could not be anywhere else. And what I have received is more than I even realize right now. Just being in such a space, doing what I could do, in the most efficient way possible that there is no me anymore. That is the best part of being a Volunteer. Each of us do everything possible to make this happen for others, WILLINGLY. There is really no difference between me & others. We all become one with one ...

I have had a very different notion of what an Ashram is, all along. Or I am not sure. Did I care about to even think of one? If at all I did, I would have thought that an ashram is a dull & boring place where everyone thinks & speaks of God. No one tells lies. Everyone would(should)be morally Mr.correct. Again, I did not think women lived in an ashram. An ashram would be a painfully demanding place where you are inflicted with misery. It would be secluded from the outside world. With all these assumptions in mind, no doubt, I would conclude that an ashram is the last place you want to end up at. Ugh! I had the privilege of "living" in an ashram recently. A couple days only. Still. All I could think of it right now is, those few days were THE most happiest days of my life so far. And that is saying something. I will consider myself as one of the fortunate ones whose life has been blessed with many a child-like happy moments. I will not consider myself as a religious pe...

Today,exactly a year ago, 17th September 2009 was my first day of Shambhavi . My association with Isha. The first 40 days, for some reason, did not look like a milestone. I continued it twice even after the 40 days. And then 2 months later, I took my first trip to the Tennessee Ashram for my Shoonya. And the 6 months target was also touched. Since then, no looking back. But now, 1 year. Sure seems like a milestone. Don't know why. But it does. I am aware that there are so many people with more than 15 years association with Isha. But this is my journey. And I feel many things. Mostly grateful. Life has changed immensely. I'd have probably missed my daily practices for about 5 days in all of this 365 days. It did not seem easy to even think of doing 2 hours of practice every day for 1 year. But somehow, it happened. Between S. Between all our travels. It just happened. It feels like the worst of the my life is behind me. I don't have anything to look forward to. Just honest...

What is love? Most times, Love comes off as an expression of a feeling. It means expressing it to someone. It always needs someone to show it to. Else, it feels incomplete. Whenever I've experienced this kind of feeling I would always look for someone to show it to. It is precious. It is priceless. BUT. What if we have a feeling towards someone & that person is not around? That immense feeling that has a desperate need to be expressed, but is unable to because THE person to be showered it with is not around. Ok, you can call, talk to that person. Tell "I Love you" a million times. But still, it doesn't settle. The moment you drop that phone, you want to call back & talk it out all over again. The important fact is the pleasant feeling it leaves us with. It leaves a permanent smile. You want to smile for as long as you can. BUT again. What if I want to be loving? Not bothered. Not waiting for that perfect person to come around. What if I am able to just love. N...

I know what made me want to go to Florida(from Canada) to volunteer for the IE class. With the IE online happening, there could be some time before this class happens again. But I was not so sure after making reservations. After all, I took the class in San Francisco & I have family & friends there. It made so much sense to stay with someone whom I already knew. But there I was sitting on a plane in Calgary. Absolutely pleasant & joyful for no apparent reason. A series of fortunate events happened. IE happened. Again! And I am blown over. All over again. In a completely different way. And how so grateful I am! Today is the last day of the class. I've been living in close association with so many volunteers. SO many things happened. I can barely find words. So, I am not even going to try. But I am noticing one difference distinctly. The past is no more. The future is not here yet. I am living in the now - No, not even today. Just this moment. I have sometimes tried to re...

Definitely not "just another" book. I cannot call it inspirational but would willingly agree to say "life transforming"(to say the least). But it can shake you completely if you will. While reading the book, I cannot deny, I started to believe what was being told, at least a part of it, but now, as I sit and write, I am...confused. All the more. And as I know, confusion is good. Better than a conclusion. A friend mentioned that she read this book as she would her Ph.D thesis. The book belongs to the same genre as the one I read earlier, but it goes a level higher with scientific proof. ie., if you consider Psychiatry as science. It is very easy to dismiss the content of this book as illogical(even with the scientific proof) because the content is such. "A life cannot be rushed, cannot be worked on a schedule as so many people want it to be. We must accept what comes to us at a given time, not ask for more. But life is endless, so we never die; we were never rea...

when I am really happy. For my Mother mostly, but also for so many things untellable. Amma has just returned from Isha Yoga Center for an advanced program & she has been raving ever since she got back yesterday. Amma did her Inner Engineering 3 months ago. She has been regular with her practices. And in just 2 months time, the family doctor has reduced her sugar medication to almost nil. While I wait for the day it actually becomes NIL, I am so relieved, satisfied & grateful that this has happened. She has also dropped all other medications that she was on. She has been peaceful, energetic & happy for no reason apparently & I can definitely see a big change in her. And the way I am sharing things with her, I told her that I've never felt so close to her, ever. And it means a lot to say this when she is 60. But yesterday, when she was sharing her visit to the Ashram, my heart just wanted to be there. How privileged are some people! Amma has an extremely low tolera...

A friend's birthday wish is here . And another friend donated two kid's education for this friend's birthday. Something in me shook. I trembled. I hit my forehead. Why did it not occur to me earlier? Why didn't I do it earlier? Why didn't I give education to 2 kids? Why did I stop with one? I gifted a child her education & I felt so gloated about giving something. It probably satisfied my ego well. And I spoke to another friend about Isha Vidhya & told about this first friend's wish. Something clicked for her & she offered to gift education to 2 kids in the next 2 months for her kid's birthday. Wow! I like this chain reaction. The way I see it is like this. How many kids can we give birth to? I am happy with one, thank you. But nothing stops me from feeling like a parent to so many others. And these kids, maan, they are smart or what? They are dreamers. They dream about becoming a Doctor. They dream about becoming a Teacher. Can't we make th...

It is difficult to put in words what I am feeling. More & more truths surface! Another parallel universe seems to exist...or is this that one? A yearning, to make myself useful. To grasp this entire world. A burning desire to know what the heck am I? And what am I doing in this world? There exists more love than is going around. A horrible feeling that poverty is obscene & I am a part of it as much as the people who are in it. It may seem silly, but by not doing anything significant to eradicate it, I am only being a part of it. And there is no sense of modesty or humility associated. It is blatant truth. As more truths come up, the more I realize that the truth was always there. Dissolution of the I, making yourself a part of this world, the possibility of knowing thy self, everything that once seemed distant, illogical, unwanted, looks possible, within reach. I can never forget my first Inner Engineering class or the subsequent classes I had the privilege of attending. If I h...

because, my mother got initiated to Shambhavi a week ago. because, she is feeling ecstatic so, because, I can already see the transformation lo, because, I am able to connect to her in a totally different way, so. Because I am so grateful, I bow!

I was so tired that I was not sure if I would be up until midnight. I had to be somewhere next morn at 7am & I was sure I did not want to wake up the whole night & crash at 6am. When I turned on the webstream from Isha, I was in for surprise. The whole program kept me up, awake & energized & I found myself swaying & dancing & embracing the night to the best I could. I should've known it earlier. It was Isha, after all. What else did I expect? Meditating at midnight with Sadhguru was something I never thought of at last year's Shivarathri. The dogmatic ideas of my logical mind seem to get weaker. Maybe I should toss them out myself :-) Instead of going into the details I can sum it up, "This is one day, er night that was something like never before". Thank you Isha for the oppurtunity. Turned out, a lot of us were dancing to Sivamani's & Vikku Vinayakam's tunes. Absolutely fantastic!

Why do I volunteer there? With Isha? I HAVE NO CLUE. But every time I hear of an IE program in the area, I just have to be there. The one that happened 2 weeks ago was life-changing. Yes. It was like attending the program all over again. The depth of each word said sank deeper. I am going somewhere. I know not of my destination, but I have begun this journey. A journey of self-discovery. When it is such a journey, who cares about the destination anyways. I have let go of(so many of) my mental blocks. I still own quite a bit, but it is probably a matter of time before I can let them go too. I am doing things way over my capacity. Me & G are juggling between things in such an easy manner(& with so much happiness & acceptance), that I find it hard to believe it is me. I am a planning/control freak that I cannot do anything without planning a few dozen times over & over again. The very fact that I am not alarmed by most things(not everything, yet) that happen without my pla...

Just two months after my association with Isha, I found myself sitting on a plane to TN to take an advance course. It was like I had no other option. I just had to do it. I still had to do my Shambavi at noon when I reached IIIS before lunch. So, I took the oppurtunity to meditate in Mahima. I had just seen it from the outside when I just checked myself in. So, after shower, I found myself entering the doors of Mahima. SILENCE!!! There, looking at me was the most powerful picture of Sadhguru. It brought me a chill. When I could finally take my eyes off that picture, I looked up to the ceiling of the dome. I knew immediately. This place is something! I did my Shambavi. When I had to mouth words as part of my meditation, I found the whole of Mahima say it with me in reverberation. Thinking of it gives me goosebumps even now. If Mahima does not move you in any other way, at least the size will! It is HUGE!!! I found some time to hike around the paved grounds. As if I needed more solitude,...