Petrichor

Woke up to snow this morning. :) First snow of the season. Made all of us smile, specially S. S wanted to dress up warm & go out to play in the snow to make snow balls, but it melted away by then. Then it became sunny. On the way to pick up S from school, from nowhere I saw a weird shape of a cloud. I was really wondering what would this cloud bring. In less than a minute, HAIL...where I was. but 1 km away the sun was shining bright. I love this lovable city. The top reason for the love is the city's unpredictable weather. Can't really say Winter is here. Can't say it is not here as well. Weird. But every bit beautiful. :)

I have been watching myself lately. I am so much happier. So much more joyful. I feel life within. I breathe. I smell. I enjoy. I respond. All the simple things in life matter so much more to me now than ever. I feel like a child in many ways. I enjoy music. I enjoy the sun...seriously, that is a big deal for me. I enjoy the storms. I enjoy good company. I enjoy being alone. In so many ways, I feel fulfilled. I do not worry about a tomorrow, though I plan for it. I am able to do so many things with abandon. As if I don't care. Truth is I care too much. About what I do. Not about the outcome. It is freedom in many ways. Some people may call it liberation. But it seems too big a word, right now. Freedom is fine. Happiness seems just right. :) Having S around definitely adds to the beauty, as she is so full of life too. I seem to be attracting intense & joyful people too :) I am grateful. For what I am today. Thanks to Isha.

S turns 3 today. She is absolutely bubbly & loving now & is pretty excited about cutting a cake. She can speak & understand Tamil & English & can effectively push me away from a store that does not interest her. She needs a cuddle to go to sleep & is capable of making me listen to her. :) She has been my best gift so far & I truly bow down to her for being so patient with me. I am logging as much as I can about her & her growth, the first 3 years of her life. Not because I want to show her how much she has grown or how much she has learnt from me. But because she has taught me soooooo much. I am grateful to her for every lesson of love, affection, forgiveness, sadness, happiness, adventure, challenge & most of all patience. It has been quite a ride. And she guided me through each one of them. Some people have already started forcing me to think about a sibling for S. But fortunately, I had thought about it much earlier. The happiness I get from her i...

I feel - moved . To have a husband who surprised me with a birthday cake(even after repeatedly saying "I don't want anything") & a daughter who discovered it in the fridge. - blessed . To live in the same lifetime as someone like Sadhguru. - happy . To have life in this body. - fulfilled . To not want many things I once wanted. - privileged . To have people who love me, in spite of all my limitations. - complete . To have a brother I never had & a little mad girl who means the world. A truly blessed life. Whom do I thank? What words can convey how I feel? When will I stop wanting to express things that cannot be expressed?

I owe today's post to Deepak . I was alone at home in the afternoon. Someone knocked on the door. I opened to find some kids. Though soliciting is not entertained in our complex, I somehow did not feel offended seeing them. One of the kids asked me to buy a piece of chocolate for $2 as donation for their school. I did not even think. Just said, "I don't have cash. Maybe some other time". They replied, "oh, okay" and found his way to the next apartment. I locked the door. But something struck me. I looked in my purse to find $20. So, picked up some laundry coins & went back after the kids. Fortunately, I found them. "Found some change", I admitted sheepishly. The boy smiled. "Thank you", he said. The chocolate tasted divine, no doubt. I don't know what made me refuse the first time. I told myself that it was ok(absolutely) to buy something unnecessary for myself. The kid's smile lit up my face. I am still smiling.

What is love? Most times, Love comes off as an expression of a feeling. It means expressing it to someone. It always needs someone to show it to. Else, it feels incomplete. Whenever I've experienced this kind of feeling I would always look for someone to show it to. It is precious. It is priceless. BUT. What if we have a feeling towards someone & that person is not around? That immense feeling that has a desperate need to be expressed, but is unable to because THE person to be showered it with is not around. Ok, you can call, talk to that person. Tell "I Love you" a million times. But still, it doesn't settle. The moment you drop that phone, you want to call back & talk it out all over again. The important fact is the pleasant feeling it leaves us with. It leaves a permanent smile. You want to smile for as long as you can. BUT again. What if I want to be loving? Not bothered. Not waiting for that perfect person to come around. What if I am able to just love. N...

I walked to a small temple nearby. It was a special day for the little one. A quiet moment for us. S loves to play with the kittens in the temple. I bought an archanai plate from a vendor outside. He was the first one I saw. But another vendor, a lady, a usual(vendor) was watching this & as I entered the temple started abusing. Usually my mother buys from her & today we bought it from someone else. I reminded myself, "A quiet moment...". I patiently told her that it was not intentional(& I am not a regular at the temple nor was the archanai). She was in talking mode- not listening. So I continued my way into the temple. The temple took my mind off a little from the incident. This place is almost like how it was when I was a child. I had spent days eating lunch here. On my way out, I had to pass the same lady. Now, she was wild. I told her, "I was going inside the temple...Do you have to be so angry? Next time I will remind myself to buy from you." What I...

Ok! Here's how stupid I got last night. G was working late last night. He came home after I went to put S to sleep. I heard some sound outside & conveniently assumed that G had returned. As usual it turned out that me slept with S. About 2 hrs later I heard some noise, like someone bouncing a ball. Wondering why G would bounce a ball at 11pm, I was wondering if I should get up. Just then G entered the room & whispered, "I came in after 2 hours". Half asleep, I was like, "whaaaat??" Then when I asked him, he replied, "The door was locked from inside. I tried to open since 9pm & came in by 11pm. So went to eat at Tim Hortons. It was yuck! Filled up gas & came home. Planned to sleep in the car but was concerned that you may get worried not seeing me when you wake up". And he said this with no anger or frustration. This taught me a lesson or what... I felt so bad. How more stupid could I get? Could I have not checked the door before I went ...

A friend's birthday wish is here . And another friend donated two kid's education for this friend's birthday. Something in me shook. I trembled. I hit my forehead. Why did it not occur to me earlier? Why didn't I do it earlier? Why didn't I give education to 2 kids? Why did I stop with one? I gifted a child her education & I felt so gloated about giving something. It probably satisfied my ego well. And I spoke to another friend about Isha Vidhya & told about this first friend's wish. Something clicked for her & she offered to gift education to 2 kids in the next 2 months for her kid's birthday. Wow! I like this chain reaction. The way I see it is like this. How many kids can we give birth to? I am happy with one, thank you. But nothing stops me from feeling like a parent to so many others. And these kids, maan, they are smart or what? They are dreamers. They dream about becoming a Doctor. They dream about becoming a Teacher. Can't we make th...

I got this as a fwd. Felt so nice that I wanted to share it with everyone. But that FB...wouldn't allow such a long set of characters!!! Mommy to Mom to Mother Real Mothers don't eat quiche they don't have time to make it. Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox. Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids. Real Mothers know that dried play dough doesn't come out of carpets. Real Mothers don't want to know what the vacuum just sucked up. Real Mothers sometimes ask 'Why me?' and get their answer when a littlevoice says, 'Because I love you best.' Real Mothers know that a child's growth is not measured by height or years or grade....It is marked by the progression of Mommy to Mom to Mother.... The Images of Mother 4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything! 8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot! 12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't really know quite everything. 14 YEARS OF A...

Finally Settled! Kinda. Settling so soon has everything to do with IKEA. Just a weekend in that one stop shop. God, I love the store. As much as I'd like to get a local store experience, I am so relieved when I see a Costco, IKEA & Walmart. With these stores, I know what to buy where. This is the view outside our window. What's not to love? I seem to have forgotten Bay area already. That's funny. Because, when I left India to settle in Bay Area, I was holding on to India like it was my life. And every instance G showed a slight hint that he had forgotten about it, I'd remind him all about how terrible a husband he was for having brought me away from Amma, my city & my country. If I was G, I'd have sent myself happily back home. Poor G! I have loving people back home("home" is now a relative term). I still love them. But I don't seem to miss them. Not that much where it would kill me. I have realized that everyone has their way with life & I...

Just fixed a new car. Then the move to the new apartment. So, would be a week or two before we start our travels. In the meanwhile, about Calgary: 1. This city is definitely developing infrastructure-wise. Construction everywhere all the time(maybe they can do it only during Spring-Fall). 2. Calgary seems to be the hub for oil sands, internet & technology. 3. Weather is obviously the best in all of Canada. Never seen no rains here. It is either sunny, cold or it just snows.:) 4. Easy to spot a Canadian. He always ends a conversation with an "eh?". 5. There are pubs everywhere. (a quick reminder: I live in the downtown, eh?) 6. People smoke. More than I am used to. 7. People do not look that they are doing a favour by making a conversation with you. 8. Customer service in banks, offices are way better(than I've known). 9. When it snowed yesterday, we were the only people who were watching it out the window like a natural wonder. People were going about their business a...

Last week, I had a ladies night out. Probably the first in my life. We went to watch "My Name is Khan". I laughed & cried And sang & smiled. For all those out there, I hate SRK. "Some" may call that prejudice :-). But it is a fact. There is nothing unique in that guy. At least from where I stand. I was truly open to the idea of watching this movie with the girls, though. Wonderful company where I could truly be myself. Anyways, the movie started OK. But at one point, where Ammi teaches the little autistic boy about good people & bad people, I cried! And that was not the only moment I cried. For every time when Rizvan bombards Mandira with "Marry me", I laughed! And that was not the only moment I laughed. For the songs, "Sajda" & "Tere Naina" I sang my heart out. And those were not the only moments I sang. And the scene when Khan(from the epiglottis) asks the President for his phone#, I smiled. And that was definitely not...

Marriage is a space where two totally different people come together. They end up being together, thinking together and working together for the benefit of their family. Its been 4 yrs together with G and this thought came to me only now :-) It has been a pleasant 4 years & I sure do feel a lot more than 4. Its like I've known G for ever!!! I wouldn't want to change anything in my life, including my husband G. ;-) Love you G. Happy Anniversary!

Why do we all get married? I do not want to generalize things here, though. 1. Definitely not to pick on my husband at every oppurtunity. 2. Not to complain that he is not the right person for me. 3. Not to nag about his entire family. 4. Not because my mother wanted me to. 5. Definitely not because I wanted to cook. 6. Not because I wanted to quit my job, leave my parents & come to the US. Coming to think of it, I doubt if I thought of so many things before I got married. But now that I am, I think I can give a couple of reasons why I enjoy 'being married'. 1. To begin a loving family. 2. To grow in love together. 3. To understand. 4. To laugh. 5. To play. 6. To hike together. 7. To learn from each other. 8. To hold hands in silence when things go wrong. 9. In many instances, to just be 'for' each other. When you are on your own & fumble on certain things, a loving voice to say, "its okay, hon" goes a long way. I am so glad 'that' life did ...