Petrichor

Life after Samyama is very different. I don't remember how life was before knowing certain truths. Nor do I know a way to go back there. In many ways, it feels like a one-way trip. Recently, I had the opportunity to watch the IYC streaming on Sadhguru's birthday. I have no clue in what state I was within myself. I was not prepared for the surprise that hit me. Tears just swelled in my eyes. A friend asked why? what?  I wish I knew. Maybe not. His talk shattered my world. Every birthday, I need to celebrate my life with enough awareness that I will not have it forever. I should think about death on my birthday. My death. Quite a feat! But the thought that is troubling me most is ... Who am I? Caught up in this world, running behind things that matter less in reality, worrying about things/people on what I have no control of, caring for my own knowing that these were all I clearly grabbed recently. Who the hell am I? Renounciation is definitely used in a negative sense....

This Summer is spelt and felt in Vancouver, BC for the family. It is a crazy land. Hippie land. water-land. Hope land. Ridiculously beautiful land. Many more positives hold good here. The city is so close to my perception of San Francisco, only better. I have never seen this city with more grateful eyes. But my first view of Vancouver was not this great. If Vancouver is the big city, Calgary is the quaint, faint town/village. And it definitely felt so the first couple of days. My being was filled with thoughts at the first sight of homeless people. Where did they come from? Are there such people here too, in Canada? The freeze-to-death winter in Calgary probably made them non-existential there. And it took me this city to realize that I had settled down in my own world(with my own idea of it, of course)...in just over 2 years!!! I found myself looking in all directions. I had no clue where I was. Not to bother what I was doing here. I was everything from resistant to suspiciou...

2011 was not just another year. Some beautiful things happened. Visited Bay area, attended powerful programs, saw the Devi, ecstatic after a friend's visit, made new commitments, drove to Alaska, enjoying a pleasant winter, and now gearing up for an experience-of-a-lifetime early next year. Could not have asked for anything better; Grateful for each lesson learnt; Looking forward to THE trip to India. It feels like home. Always! I can't wait to smell the air,...people....look awed at all the new changes as we drive out...mmm... Lots of adventure - me alone with S for over 24 hrs!!! Lots of shopping Lots of meeting & greeting Lots of yummy food A visit to the beach, hopefully :) Staying awake a whole night And LOTS of meditation!!! 2012...Can't wait. I am all yours!

I have been watching myself lately. I am so much happier. So much more joyful. I feel life within. I breathe. I smell. I enjoy. I respond. All the simple things in life matter so much more to me now than ever. I feel like a child in many ways. I enjoy music. I enjoy the sun...seriously, that is a big deal for me. I enjoy the storms. I enjoy good company. I enjoy being alone. In so many ways, I feel fulfilled. I do not worry about a tomorrow, though I plan for it. I am able to do so many things with abandon. As if I don't care. Truth is I care too much. About what I do. Not about the outcome. It is freedom in many ways. Some people may call it liberation. But it seems too big a word, right now. Freedom is fine. Happiness seems just right. :) Having S around definitely adds to the beauty, as she is so full of life too. I seem to be attracting intense & joyful people too :) I am grateful. For what I am today. Thanks to Isha.

There are situations(or even people) that I'd be gladly away from. I am not a loner, but would like to stay away from people who are trouble or who may cause my inner balance to sway. I don't like to get into politics or be a subject of discussion. But, in the last few days I realized. These people or situations are not a bad thing. They are not my enemies. They are necessary so I get out of a few things I need to get out of. All this while, these people or situations caused turmoil to tremor(situation depending) ONLY because I allowed them to do so. It was I that gave them the importance they now have. When I saw this, it brought new strength within. My fear seems to have vanished. I no longer want to avoid situations. There is something to learn & overcome round every corner. I know I knew this all along. What was the difference? Well, it is the difference between knowing something & experiencing it. It is the difference between the mind & the self. Thanks to the ...

I went for a walk today. Temperature reading -13C something. But the wind was howling horrendously. I wanted to feel the wind on my face. But G gladly gave my balaclava to save my face. As I walked out, a neighbor greeted. Seeing me all geared up, he said, "I don't think you are going out now. It is -29C". The windchill, he meant. I smiled & walked down. The minute I walked out into the cold, I realized, "-29C! What was I thinking???" I just had one layer of Jeans. The magic # is 15 or -15 to be specific. If the temperature reads below the magic#, I should be using 2 layers. Even more, snow pants. Alas! Too late. I could not feel my thighs in a little bit & the wind was bellowing from behind. I did not think of my way back just yet. I decided to walk as much as I could. It felt so good. Just being in that pinching cold. I was decently dressed. Winter boots, jeans, a down jacket over a t-shirt, gloves, balaclava & my parka's hood. I was considerab...

So. I managed to read Robert Fischer's "Gandhi". For some reason, I did not want to read his autobiography(again). I wanted to read about him as a second person. And since this book was the inspiration for the movie " Gandhi ", I was able to relate to it better. The whole book went all "Mahatma" about him. There were words that touched the heart. "He did not want the British to have no strength to fight Indians; He wanted them to not have the heart to do so." It may seem immaterial, but what touched me most about the Mahatma was that he was not born like one. He was a normal atman with all the crap like we all have. In his younger years, he had told lies, got immensely furious on many things. But he rose over all of it. His vision made him do so. What touched me even more was that he contradicted himself on many occasions. He never settled with one thing. He was constantly learning to do what is best for a given situation at that particular t...

I have had a very different notion of what an Ashram is, all along. Or I am not sure. Did I care about to even think of one? If at all I did, I would have thought that an ashram is a dull & boring place where everyone thinks & speaks of God. No one tells lies. Everyone would(should)be morally Mr.correct. Again, I did not think women lived in an ashram. An ashram would be a painfully demanding place where you are inflicted with misery. It would be secluded from the outside world. With all these assumptions in mind, no doubt, I would conclude that an ashram is the last place you want to end up at. Ugh! I had the privilege of "living" in an ashram recently. A couple days only. Still. All I could think of it right now is, those few days were THE most happiest days of my life so far. And that is saying something. I will consider myself as one of the fortunate ones whose life has been blessed with many a child-like happy moments. I will not consider myself as a religious pe...

I came across this book through a friend. The name sounded interesting & hence reserved a copy at the library. I had no idea what this book is about & did not bother doing research either. Only when I had the book in my hand did I know it was about Quantum physics. :) The author, Mani Bhaumik, the brains behind the LASIK invention writes about his poverty-stricken life in India & his journey of getting out of that "black hole". He successfully managed to become one of the millionaires of Los Angeles. But. That was not enough. That did not mean anything. The book is about his journey inward. It was a page-turner to say the least. And now about Quantum physics. I've heard Sadhguru speak about science. But never really thought it significant enough to look it up & verify his quote. Science on some level, never really mattered to me. But Mani speaks of Quantum physics & the presence of energy, only makes me smile. I do not believe anything. I do not not-be...

S planted her first seed 2 days ago. She was so excited trying to dig a hole, put the seed in & pour water. It's a given that Canada is populated with immigrants. And the Government is doing so much for the new generation. They have art programs, gym time, indoor play area, movie days, Help me grow times for kids. And it is all free. I learnt about this recently & have benefited greatly in just 2 visits. S absolutely loved being in the garden. They use organic fertilizers(I am yet to find out what they are) & the parents get to reap the veggies. I picked up a bunch of spinach & mint leaves. My cooking yesterday costed me nothing, we all ate organic food & I am also glad that we contribute to the community. Next week, we will go check on the zucchini that we planted & plant some more. From the post, if it is obvious that I had more fun, maybe you are right. I am getting to learn so much from all that is available. Hopefully, I gather enough information to sus...

A couple months ago, I was extremely fortunate to host a friend for a couple of days. Two days spent in her presence & company is possibly the richest memory I can ever treasure. I learnt lessons by talking to her, listening to her & observing her. One important lesson I learnt was to "Distance myself". From anything. From everything. Specially from other people's lives. When I was told this, it hurt. Quite a bit. The situation was such. A common friend was going through a rough patch. And this common friend is very dear to me, almost like family. So, I was a little(okay, very) concerned that she would end up with a wrong decision, for her or her family. It is not one of those poking-your-nose scenarios. I was genuinely concerned. But this friend, asked me to distance myself from the whole thing. She said, "Let her figure it out for herself". I was not convinced that that was the best solution at that point in time. But I have extreme respect for this pe...

What is a thought? I looked up. Says Wiki I was being raided left & right by thoughts during my Surya Namaskars today. I bring back my mind. Another thought! And the process goes on. After a point, I just wanted the mind to sleep or go away somewhere. I used to love psychology all though my later childhood & early adult life. It seemed intriguing. But today, I just did not want to learn the history or geography or the psychology of my mind. I just wanted it to go away so I could do my practices. As Sadhguru says, "You will have to become illogical, uneducated...to understand what I have to say". For once, I am able to understand the magnitude of this statement to some extent. And this comes from a man who can live without any thoughts for days together!!! Our lives these days are dominated by the mind. Definitely not hearts, for most of us at least. The fact is we do not realize it as much. And when realization dawns, it is like, "Duh! What were you thinking?...

around where we live now :) Where we go for a walk everyday(notice the warning for coyotes...I was a little amused the first time I saw it) Where S plays almost everyday - on princess island park I haven't done this city justice through photos. Still settling down. But will post a new entry in the travel blog soon.

I was a happy Brahmin as a child. Rather, happy to be a Brahmin child. It has got nothing to do with my caste. But it has everything to do with my parents. My parents were really unconventional, broad-minded, service-oriented(with limitations, of course), never-say-go to a temple(never-not-say-go to a temple either). We'd travelled a lot as a family. We have visited most important temples in India. But never once did my father or mother insist that I should pray or do any of the things they believed in(or not believed in). So, I assumed if this is how a Brahmin is, I am happy to be one. At that age, I believed you are never born as a Brahmin. You become one by your actions. Anyone can become a Brahmin. It is a way of life. But with all the things that started cropping up as a part of this religion or caste, somewhere I started experimenting with everything I came across. I had to try it to make sure it worked for me. With time, I started to lose interest in rituals & religion i...