Petrichor

Seven days!!! And not a ray of Sun, What all I had did not matter. Every ounce of me longed for one ray of  it. And now, when it finally brightens the sky, my heart skips a beat. It hurts to see all the snow fall off the leaves. How can I have both? How can I have it all? Yet it seems only that will make me happy. The seasons happen. In time. Every year. How much I want a season to last? Every single time. How much resistance I have to face something new? Yet it happens.  The Sky clearing out  I stood my ground to take it all in.  I just was.  Tried to grasp the world through my senses. For a moment, I was glad I had my camera, then, alas! what camera can see that my eyes do?  O Elusive mind, what are you?  When did you start ruling me? How did I succumb to you? Are you separate from me? Who am I?

This Summer is spelt and felt in Vancouver, BC for the family. It is a crazy land. Hippie land. water-land. Hope land. Ridiculously beautiful land. Many more positives hold good here. The city is so close to my perception of San Francisco, only better. I have never seen this city with more grateful eyes. But my first view of Vancouver was not this great. If Vancouver is the big city, Calgary is the quaint, faint town/village. And it definitely felt so the first couple of days. My being was filled with thoughts at the first sight of homeless people. Where did they come from? Are there such people here too, in Canada? The freeze-to-death winter in Calgary probably made them non-existential there. And it took me this city to realize that I had settled down in my own world(with my own idea of it, of course)...in just over 2 years!!! I found myself looking in all directions. I had no clue where I was. Not to bother what I was doing here. I was everything from resistant to suspiciou...

I read Sadhguru's article recently here . While I dramatically make big issues about receiving, this man shows it on my face that I am receiving in more ways than I know. And now I realize that blatant truth. It took me a day to shake the shock out of me & face reality. It seems so natural(& mechanical) to think so many times about receiving something from someone. I think about repaying it someway/somehow until I actually do so. Life is not about ethics or morals like I've been taught growing up. It seems much simpler than that. As a kid, this seems simple. But after all the complexities I am caught up with, it is an eon in itself to carefully "unlearn" everything I learnt so carelessly. Sometimes, when I am caught up with, "Oh, how do I teach her(S)how to handle this? How do I teach her how to share? How do I change her attitude to these things?", I catch myself settle & realize that I need to just let her be herself instead of pushing my garba...

I really do not want to make a statement or judgement. But something happened today & I realized that generalizing this could be ok...of course with exceptions, as usual. Older people have seen more. They have lived more. So, they should be happier...right? Well, I have mostly seen it to be au contraire. Today, me & S were at the Garden. We have an organic plot, where we grow organic vegetables. Actually, we have just started. So, I was respectfully sowing all my seeds. There is no way S would just sit & SEE me do it for 45 minutes. She had better things to do; Like digging the mud, getting all dirty, watering plants, blowing a dandelion. You know, STUFF. And I let her do it. As if I have options, huh? But I ask her to let me know where she goes(within the garden of course) & I check on her every couple of minutes. Knowingly, she would also raise her head every few minutes to meet my eyes. On one such eye contact, I saw her lifting a big stone & putting it somewhere...

This is also an irony! All through our early adult life we add things to our life assuming it will make us more complete. And after realization sets in that those accessories were the ones that created stress in the first place, we get down to "detox" our lives by learning to simplify our lives. We have restarted our camping vacations now & it is life changing, to say the least. Canadian hotels are expensive. For the sweeping array of places that we would love to see, camping proves to be a decent-budget option, if not the only one. Earlier, we always carried a laptop so that we could stay connected. But these days, we just love the fact that the places we go don't have access to the rest of the world. With the phone & internet turned off, we turned "ourselves" on. And all of a sudden it looks like we got new self's. Weekend comes & goes. No doubt we end up working more than we usually do. But the fact remains that we enjoy every bit of what we d...

I've known some people for so many years. Yet feel so distant from them at times. Some people, I've hardly met, but I seem to know a lot about them & actually feel their intensity & pain. Ironic, isn't it? In that context, I am thankful to the Internet & WWW. It has made it a small world. You live in some corner of the world & are able to connect to a person on the equator. I think it is brilliant. The virtual world has indeed brought the theory of all-inclusiveness to a different level(I wanted to use "dimension" but refrained). Wherever I am, I never feel alone.

Yesterday, I was on my usual walk with the little one. Everything was as usual. Little one was being curious george, I was trying to manage her, said hi to a couple people on the road, smiled at some, crossed El Camino. Everything was as usual until now. So, I met an old man, er, an old Indian man. Like at others, I smiled at him as he was passing by me. He returned my smile. I was to continue my way when: Old Indian Man(OIM): Where are you from? Me to him(MTH): Chennai. Me to myself(MTM): uh-oh! OIM: Oh. Chennai a? Tamizha? Where in Chennai? MTH: I gave him the location. OIM: Anga enga? MTH: Gave him the exact location. OIM: Naanga Chennai thaan. Ana settled in Bombay for 22 years. MTH: o ho. MTM: na ketena? OIM: Kalyanam acha? MTH: yes MTM: pakathu veetu kozhanthaya stroller le thallindu varen OIM: Evlo varsham? 2-3 years? MTH: 5 years. OIM: Oh. 5 yrs acha? Chinna kozhanthaya iruke, 2-3 yrs irukumonu keten. MTH: :-) OIM: Ponna payyana? MTH: Ponnu OIM: enna vayasu? MTH: one OIM: Adika...

Mumbai Blasts! Greece riots! Astronaut let tools into workspace! Forever china-Tibet war! More blasts! Yet another bomb scare!... Where is Lord Krishna? He promised!!!

I went for a walk this evening. I stopped by a pottery class. The end. Moral of the story: If you are patient, you might achieve something. If you are impatient, you are sure not to achieve anything. Until then, telling yourself, "its okay" goes a long way!

This is one of my fav. quotes from Stepmom. You think: "This is me" & a situation happens that makes you realize you are capable of doing something that you never thought you would. Life is a series of events, definitely. I am learning to take it one day at a time. We are capable of doing a lot more than we are actually doing. For those of you who are wondering "what the hell is this?", I am just venting out(good sense).

The older generation did not ask a lot of questions. But followed whatever was told to them. The younger generation ask a million questions. Rarely follow what is told to them(by the older generation). Older generation : Our parents/grandparents, generalized New/this generation : Us/younger to us Who is more right? Let's analyze. When it comes to being versatile in their likes(I know people who listen from Yanni to Sudha Ragunathan) I doubt if anyone can beat this generation. They rarely do anything without questioning it. Which is good, rt? They pretty much know everything from Soccer to Carnatic. They read from Malgudi days to Da Vinci Code. They have views on everything, right from Sonia Gandhi not being related to the Mahatma to the current Fed rate cuts in the US. Their knowledge knows no boundary, simply because there is so much exposure in today's world. I see less of male chauvinism, ego & more of understanding & the need to be happy & satisfied. Some of the...

Basically from Madras, I somehow cannot imagine being in a place where there isn't a beach nearby. And hey, unlike in America, a lake shore is not considered a beach!!! It is strange that I did not have to be in such a place for a very long time. I might not go to the beach that often, or wet my legs in the waters, but when I need to, it has to be nearby. As psychologists say, we all have affinity towards water. I am generally not that kind of a person who wants to BE in the water. I just need to be near it; be it a beach, or a lake, a river, a waterfall anything to do with water. I can still smell silence in the air even in a crowded beach. Pleasure, tranquility, happiness, smile, joy, loneliness when you just need it!!!

Being Orthodox is very personal, meaning it works to personal convenience. Some people claim to be very orthodox, but having come to US are unable to maintain all that. So, if you are a NRI, you escape, but if you are in India, consider yourself tortured, eh ! A couple days ago, I happened to meet an aged friend, who belongs to a very orthodox tamil brahmin community. OR so she said. She constantly found something from my family's practices & contradicted it as to why they don't follow that & how different (& extremely madi they were). Well, I assume that I am unorthodoxy(traditional to an extent, but unorthodox). I did not want to start an argument for the simple reason, I had no intentions of changing her or her ways. She had every reason to feel her way & I had every reason to feel mine. But sometimes, I wonder. In this "community" or "caste" race, do we drop our humane somewhere? Often in concentrating on the bug picture, do we lose the...

It is nice to see someone from your own country once in a while. When you are in California, it happens more than once. Well, here's the deal! If they don't smile at you, be happy. If they do, it means they are in for a catch. No prize for the right guess-Amway!!! I cannot believe that after so many years, we can still not evade such people. A guy(R), just walked by at Albertsons late saturday night while we were walking out. He smiled at my husband. My husband did look baffled, confused & everything in that order. R was trying all possible ways to recollect from where hubby looked familiar. Poor hubby was tired after a long day & least interested in talking. A minute later, R thrusts his v card into hubby's palm & forcefully gets our phone#. Poor hubby gave the correct #. R works for Google, so he would not use a cheap Amway trick-says hubby. Right the next day, R calls in to talk to hubby. We had visitors & dropped the call very courteously. If he calls i...

Our sudden plans to go out camping did not work out due to sheer laziness. Weekend Vetti- Officers ! To make up, we played some long lost shuttle at a nearby park...loved it! I happened to go to an Indian grocery shop(that I generally don't prefer going to). "Okra $0.99/lb" did make me go in happily, though. Pona, it was a mini thiruvizha there. I could not help think that Parents who come here from India have a ball in the Indian stores. They discuss so much. I felt like rushing over to tell, "mami, its just a bigger version of our local market". All the Okra was pretty much gone. While I was thadavifying whatever was left, I could not help overhear people say, " Ayyo amma, vendakai kadaikave kadaikathu; ippo theriyartha, ivlo kootathle nan epdi thaniya vanthu vanguven? That's why I bring him along ". And their sweet ammas reply, " theriyarthu ma. romba kashtam thaan ". Indian Grocery shopping is a major event here!! Watched Babel too!...