Petrichor

Very hot actually... I am very skeptical to make such a statement in North America, specifically Canada for fear of jinxing it. But today, it is a good statement. I love the heat the Sun leaves behind. The heat that stays after the Sun sets. The closest feeling is lying down on a bed of freshly hang-dried clothes!!! Today, reminded me of my childhood. My favourite used to be Amma's sarees. :) I just rolled and rolled in them until I felt all the heat. Not a thing escaped. I tried! As the setting sun gave way to the gibbous moon, a breath of cool breeze whizzed by me. Something so far away can touch so deeply. Interesting!

2011 was not just another year. Some beautiful things happened. Visited Bay area, attended powerful programs, saw the Devi, ecstatic after a friend's visit, made new commitments, drove to Alaska, enjoying a pleasant winter, and now gearing up for an experience-of-a-lifetime early next year. Could not have asked for anything better; Grateful for each lesson learnt; Looking forward to THE trip to India. It feels like home. Always! I can't wait to smell the air,...people....look awed at all the new changes as we drive out...mmm... Lots of adventure - me alone with S for over 24 hrs!!! Lots of shopping Lots of meeting & greeting Lots of yummy food A visit to the beach, hopefully :) Staying awake a whole night And LOTS of meditation!!! 2012...Can't wait. I am all yours!

Woke up to snow this morning. :) First snow of the season. Made all of us smile, specially S. S wanted to dress up warm & go out to play in the snow to make snow balls, but it melted away by then. Then it became sunny. On the way to pick up S from school, from nowhere I saw a weird shape of a cloud. I was really wondering what would this cloud bring. In less than a minute, HAIL...where I was. but 1 km away the sun was shining bright. I love this lovable city. The top reason for the love is the city's unpredictable weather. Can't really say Winter is here. Can't say it is not here as well. Weird. But every bit beautiful. :)

I have not been hibernating. Trust me. On the contrary so much has been happening in life, my life, our life that I am at loss of what to write about. Should I write about incredible Canada, where every corner I look shows me a family from a country so far away? Should I write about our travels, our recent road trip to Alaska which has changed me unlike any other road trip? Should I write about Munira , S's pre-school teacher, who goes to India to volunteer with organizations & sets up montessori schools there? Should I write about how S is teaching me every single day to be a mother? Should I write about how grateful I've been feeling about my parents lately for they allowed me to be ... just me? Should I write about the joy I have when I see my school? How so many emotions are tied up with that second home? I could pour my heart out & still barely scratch the surface. I feel blessed. To have all these people in my life, I currently have.

I have been watching myself lately. I am so much happier. So much more joyful. I feel life within. I breathe. I smell. I enjoy. I respond. All the simple things in life matter so much more to me now than ever. I feel like a child in many ways. I enjoy music. I enjoy the sun...seriously, that is a big deal for me. I enjoy the storms. I enjoy good company. I enjoy being alone. In so many ways, I feel fulfilled. I do not worry about a tomorrow, though I plan for it. I am able to do so many things with abandon. As if I don't care. Truth is I care too much. About what I do. Not about the outcome. It is freedom in many ways. Some people may call it liberation. But it seems too big a word, right now. Freedom is fine. Happiness seems just right. :) Having S around definitely adds to the beauty, as she is so full of life too. I seem to be attracting intense & joyful people too :) I am grateful. For what I am today. Thanks to Isha.

I really do not want to make a statement or judgement. But something happened today & I realized that generalizing this could be ok...of course with exceptions, as usual. Older people have seen more. They have lived more. So, they should be happier...right? Well, I have mostly seen it to be au contraire. Today, me & S were at the Garden. We have an organic plot, where we grow organic vegetables. Actually, we have just started. So, I was respectfully sowing all my seeds. There is no way S would just sit & SEE me do it for 45 minutes. She had better things to do; Like digging the mud, getting all dirty, watering plants, blowing a dandelion. You know, STUFF. And I let her do it. As if I have options, huh? But I ask her to let me know where she goes(within the garden of course) & I check on her every couple of minutes. Knowingly, she would also raise her head every few minutes to meet my eyes. On one such eye contact, I saw her lifting a big stone & putting it somewhere...

Point Reyes. Pacific coast. The famous 101. Golden Gate. San Francisco skyline. The sequence of what I saw as I landed into this country. Familiarity. Smile. I know places like the back of my head and it sure felt like home. Home for 7 wonderful years. Even in my wildest dreams I did not think I would find myself in SFO and someone would pick me up. It seemed surreal. Too good even for a story. I am probably creating drama, but this city brought back memories. Sadhguru's Shambhavi Program & Yantra consecrations! I did not think what I'd receive being here. I just came. I could not be anywhere else. And what I have received is more than I even realize right now. Just being in such a space, doing what I could do, in the most efficient way possible that there is no me anymore. That is the best part of being a Volunteer. Each of us do everything possible to make this happen for others, WILLINGLY. There is really no difference between me & others. We all become one with one ...

S turns 3 today. She is absolutely bubbly & loving now & is pretty excited about cutting a cake. She can speak & understand Tamil & English & can effectively push me away from a store that does not interest her. She needs a cuddle to go to sleep & is capable of making me listen to her. :) She has been my best gift so far & I truly bow down to her for being so patient with me. I am logging as much as I can about her & her growth, the first 3 years of her life. Not because I want to show her how much she has grown or how much she has learnt from me. But because she has taught me soooooo much. I am grateful to her for every lesson of love, affection, forgiveness, sadness, happiness, adventure, challenge & most of all patience. It has been quite a ride. And she guided me through each one of them. Some people have already started forcing me to think about a sibling for S. But fortunately, I had thought about it much earlier. The happiness I get from her i...

I went for a walk today. Temperature reading -13C something. But the wind was howling horrendously. I wanted to feel the wind on my face. But G gladly gave my balaclava to save my face. As I walked out, a neighbor greeted. Seeing me all geared up, he said, "I don't think you are going out now. It is -29C". The windchill, he meant. I smiled & walked down. The minute I walked out into the cold, I realized, "-29C! What was I thinking???" I just had one layer of Jeans. The magic # is 15 or -15 to be specific. If the temperature reads below the magic#, I should be using 2 layers. Even more, snow pants. Alas! Too late. I could not feel my thighs in a little bit & the wind was bellowing from behind. I did not think of my way back just yet. I decided to walk as much as I could. It felt so good. Just being in that pinching cold. I was decently dressed. Winter boots, jeans, a down jacket over a t-shirt, gloves, balaclava & my parka's hood. I was considerab...

From 2004, I've had memorable New Year Eve's. In the sense, I was witnessing something different. Let me see if my memory serves me right. 2004 - My first New Year in the US. Watched the fireworks in San Francisco. My first visit to this beautiful city too. :) 2005 - Hiked to see the Elephant seals in Ano Nuevo SP, Ca. High fever. But did not want to miss it at any cost. 2006 - Heard the fireworks from our tent. Camped in Anza Borrego State Park , Ca. 2007 - SF fireworks from Angel Island . We backpacked & camped in cold 37F. 2008 - Quiet time in Palm Springs , Ca. 2009 - A quiet night after returning from a trip to San Diego. 2010 - SF fireworks from Treasure Island sans all the crowd. 2011 will be different. Very different from what I had in mind as different earlier. I find myself in extreme gratefulness. Extreme joy & love. For nothing in particular. I feel thankful to witness another New Year. So, I AM in a different place this year too. Just a different dimension,...

I have had a very different notion of what an Ashram is, all along. Or I am not sure. Did I care about to even think of one? If at all I did, I would have thought that an ashram is a dull & boring place where everyone thinks & speaks of God. No one tells lies. Everyone would(should)be morally Mr.correct. Again, I did not think women lived in an ashram. An ashram would be a painfully demanding place where you are inflicted with misery. It would be secluded from the outside world. With all these assumptions in mind, no doubt, I would conclude that an ashram is the last place you want to end up at. Ugh! I had the privilege of "living" in an ashram recently. A couple days only. Still. All I could think of it right now is, those few days were THE most happiest days of my life so far. And that is saying something. I will consider myself as one of the fortunate ones whose life has been blessed with many a child-like happy moments. I will not consider myself as a religious pe...

A couple months ago, I was extremely fortunate to host a friend for a couple of days. Two days spent in her presence & company is possibly the richest memory I can ever treasure. I learnt lessons by talking to her, listening to her & observing her. One important lesson I learnt was to "Distance myself". From anything. From everything. Specially from other people's lives. When I was told this, it hurt. Quite a bit. The situation was such. A common friend was going through a rough patch. And this common friend is very dear to me, almost like family. So, I was a little(okay, very) concerned that she would end up with a wrong decision, for her or her family. It is not one of those poking-your-nose scenarios. I was genuinely concerned. But this friend, asked me to distance myself from the whole thing. She said, "Let her figure it out for herself". I was not convinced that that was the best solution at that point in time. But I have extreme respect for this pe...

For a while now, G has been telling me that my blog has become an Isha blog. Isha has affected us as a family in such a deep way that I cannot help notice the changes. But as I went for my usual walk with S today, I just realized how much we had grown together as people. Being the cashewnut that I am, it helps having a level-headed person such as G around with me all the time. G is never biased. He never cares what I think of what he says. He just says what he feels is right. And I should say that he has made me rethink many decisions. It is not our anniversary, nor G's birthday. But I felt so strongly about him today. The past couple of days, he has been so patient with me, just being there. He probably would not have understood anything, but he was there, supporting me. It meant a lot, then & now. Over the span of our six years together, he has come to be one of my trust-worthy friends. Even if I know he would not agree to what I did, I have the need to share with him. I fee...

Last week, I had a ladies night out. Probably the first in my life. We went to watch "My Name is Khan". I laughed & cried And sang & smiled. For all those out there, I hate SRK. "Some" may call that prejudice :-). But it is a fact. There is nothing unique in that guy. At least from where I stand. I was truly open to the idea of watching this movie with the girls, though. Wonderful company where I could truly be myself. Anyways, the movie started OK. But at one point, where Ammi teaches the little autistic boy about good people & bad people, I cried! And that was not the only moment I cried. For every time when Rizvan bombards Mandira with "Marry me", I laughed! And that was not the only moment I laughed. For the songs, "Sajda" & "Tere Naina" I sang my heart out. And those were not the only moments I sang. And the scene when Khan(from the epiglottis) asks the President for his phone#, I smiled. And that was definitely not...

because, my mother got initiated to Shambhavi a week ago. because, she is feeling ecstatic so, because, I can already see the transformation lo, because, I am able to connect to her in a totally different way, so. Because I am so grateful, I bow!

Just two months after my association with Isha, I found myself sitting on a plane to TN to take an advance course. It was like I had no other option. I just had to do it. I still had to do my Shambavi at noon when I reached IIIS before lunch. So, I took the oppurtunity to meditate in Mahima. I had just seen it from the outside when I just checked myself in. So, after shower, I found myself entering the doors of Mahima. SILENCE!!! There, looking at me was the most powerful picture of Sadhguru. It brought me a chill. When I could finally take my eyes off that picture, I looked up to the ceiling of the dome. I knew immediately. This place is something! I did my Shambavi. When I had to mouth words as part of my meditation, I found the whole of Mahima say it with me in reverberation. Thinking of it gives me goosebumps even now. If Mahima does not move you in any other way, at least the size will! It is HUGE!!! I found some time to hike around the paved grounds. As if I needed more solitude,...

Long long ago, so long ago, I saw a movie called Speed(maybe when I was in India). I liked the lead actors in the movie, no doubt. Though I was following Neo closely, I came across Miss Congeniality so much later, say a couple years ago. The person that I am has never believed in being a fan or the likes(except when I was at school-crazy age, you see). I love Julia Roberts as an actor. I can watch any movie of hers. But Bullock, maan. She is awesome. Her comedy timing is simply impeccable. I found myself laughing like crazy yesterday when I brought a copy of Miss Congeniality 2. I know the movie did not do very well. Who cares? I've never. Last week, I found myself laughing forgetting even who was sitting next to me. That was while watching "The Proposal". Initially, I wanted to watch the movie when I read that part of the movie was shot in Alaska. But the movie is totally hilarious. Sandra Bullock fits the role to the '.' In fact most actors do. I might find myse...

My dream come true. I've wanted to skate ever since I was 15. I should've tended to it long ago. Nevertheless, me & G signed up for adult skating classes & thoroughly enjoyed the process. I wasn't even sure if I would be able to get up with the skates on. The instructors were pretty neat & there was someone to check on me every now & then. Otherwise, it was the usual exercise around the wall. I fell hard a couple of times(though I was taught how to fall gracefully, never seemed to use it when time came). It actually did not hurt as much as I thought. I had so many people ask me if I was doing ok(which made me think, "Doesn't everyone fall in the beginning?"). I fell. And I didn't care about it. I was skating. Fumbling, yes. But still skating. It meant everything. A childhood dream come true. We plan to continue the classes for a couple more weeks until I can actually skate. It might be too early to try the ice rinks in SF or San Jose for th...

Marriage is a space where two totally different people come together. They end up being together, thinking together and working together for the benefit of their family. Its been 4 yrs together with G and this thought came to me only now :-) It has been a pleasant 4 years & I sure do feel a lot more than 4. Its like I've known G for ever!!! I wouldn't want to change anything in my life, including my husband G. ;-) Love you G. Happy Anniversary!

I have my own reservations about Walmart & their products. I shop selectively though. For a minute, I thought differently. Last saturday, I had to be somewhere & I was late. Only when I entered the car, did I realize I did not have my purse, which had my license(& credit cards & SSN card & Costco card & ATM card & a couple of blank checks)! I had to be somewhere. So, sweet hubby brought along some books(to read while I was gone) to give me a ride, wait there a couple hours before he could pick me up. :-) Half way, I realized I could not concentrate there when I had lost my purse. So, made a U turn home & check & re-check where all I had been. Ran a flash back & soon realized Walmart was my last stop. So, called them. The lady at 'lost & found' was on a break. I was asked to call back in an hour. Knowing my nature, hubby offered to drive there & check out personally, thinking we may give better information about where I ' might...