Petrichor

I feel - moved . To have a husband who surprised me with a birthday cake(even after repeatedly saying "I don't want anything") & a daughter who discovered it in the fridge. - blessed . To live in the same lifetime as someone like Sadhguru. - happy . To have life in this body. - fulfilled . To not want many things I once wanted. - privileged . To have people who love me, in spite of all my limitations. - complete . To have a brother I never had & a little mad girl who means the world. A truly blessed life. Whom do I thank? What words can convey how I feel? When will I stop wanting to express things that cannot be expressed?

There are situations(or even people) that I'd be gladly away from. I am not a loner, but would like to stay away from people who are trouble or who may cause my inner balance to sway. I don't like to get into politics or be a subject of discussion. But, in the last few days I realized. These people or situations are not a bad thing. They are not my enemies. They are necessary so I get out of a few things I need to get out of. All this while, these people or situations caused turmoil to tremor(situation depending) ONLY because I allowed them to do so. It was I that gave them the importance they now have. When I saw this, it brought new strength within. My fear seems to have vanished. I no longer want to avoid situations. There is something to learn & overcome round every corner. I know I knew this all along. What was the difference? Well, it is the difference between knowing something & experiencing it. It is the difference between the mind & the self. Thanks to the ...

I went for a walk today. Temperature reading -13C something. But the wind was howling horrendously. I wanted to feel the wind on my face. But G gladly gave my balaclava to save my face. As I walked out, a neighbor greeted. Seeing me all geared up, he said, "I don't think you are going out now. It is -29C". The windchill, he meant. I smiled & walked down. The minute I walked out into the cold, I realized, "-29C! What was I thinking???" I just had one layer of Jeans. The magic # is 15 or -15 to be specific. If the temperature reads below the magic#, I should be using 2 layers. Even more, snow pants. Alas! Too late. I could not feel my thighs in a little bit & the wind was bellowing from behind. I did not think of my way back just yet. I decided to walk as much as I could. It felt so good. Just being in that pinching cold. I was decently dressed. Winter boots, jeans, a down jacket over a t-shirt, gloves, balaclava & my parka's hood. I was considerab...

From 2004, I've had memorable New Year Eve's. In the sense, I was witnessing something different. Let me see if my memory serves me right. 2004 - My first New Year in the US. Watched the fireworks in San Francisco. My first visit to this beautiful city too. :) 2005 - Hiked to see the Elephant seals in Ano Nuevo SP, Ca. High fever. But did not want to miss it at any cost. 2006 - Heard the fireworks from our tent. Camped in Anza Borrego State Park , Ca. 2007 - SF fireworks from Angel Island . We backpacked & camped in cold 37F. 2008 - Quiet time in Palm Springs , Ca. 2009 - A quiet night after returning from a trip to San Diego. 2010 - SF fireworks from Treasure Island sans all the crowd. 2011 will be different. Very different from what I had in mind as different earlier. I find myself in extreme gratefulness. Extreme joy & love. For nothing in particular. I feel thankful to witness another New Year. So, I AM in a different place this year too. Just a different dimension,...

So. I managed to read Robert Fischer's "Gandhi". For some reason, I did not want to read his autobiography(again). I wanted to read about him as a second person. And since this book was the inspiration for the movie " Gandhi ", I was able to relate to it better. The whole book went all "Mahatma" about him. There were words that touched the heart. "He did not want the British to have no strength to fight Indians; He wanted them to not have the heart to do so." It may seem immaterial, but what touched me most about the Mahatma was that he was not born like one. He was a normal atman with all the crap like we all have. In his younger years, he had told lies, got immensely furious on many things. But he rose over all of it. His vision made him do so. What touched me even more was that he contradicted himself on many occasions. He never settled with one thing. He was constantly learning to do what is best for a given situation at that particular t...

I have had a very different notion of what an Ashram is, all along. Or I am not sure. Did I care about to even think of one? If at all I did, I would have thought that an ashram is a dull & boring place where everyone thinks & speaks of God. No one tells lies. Everyone would(should)be morally Mr.correct. Again, I did not think women lived in an ashram. An ashram would be a painfully demanding place where you are inflicted with misery. It would be secluded from the outside world. With all these assumptions in mind, no doubt, I would conclude that an ashram is the last place you want to end up at. Ugh! I had the privilege of "living" in an ashram recently. A couple days only. Still. All I could think of it right now is, those few days were THE most happiest days of my life so far. And that is saying something. I will consider myself as one of the fortunate ones whose life has been blessed with many a child-like happy moments. I will not consider myself as a religious pe...

Coming from a not-so-traditional-but-yet-conventional Brahmin family, Sanskrit always intrigued me. Though I did not learn it, I've learnt quite a bit of Sanskrit words in the name of slokas as a kid. But nothing really meant any sense to me & I definitely did not know the value of it. Now, after all these years, I have received something from a very sacred place taught in a very traditional manner. Two days of just uttering those words with others, gives me the shivers even now. This is what a Gurukulam would have been like. When there was nothing to write down. You just listen & sing(about a hundred times) until your whole being gets it. I heard the Guru pooja for the first time at my Inner Engineering . It felt like something but I managed not to give it too much thought. There was already too much going on in the class. But every single time I've had the opportunity since then, I would find tears flood my eyes. The pooja itself, the words, the way it is done, will b...

Calgary and most of the West is under a Winter Spell. It has been -20C for the last 1 week. Not so much snow, but the cold really gets to the bones unless you are dressed appropriately. It feels like Christmas already. All the evergreens are adorned with brilliant white snow. Just beautiful! S says it is cold. She says, "winter is here". But no complains so far. I feel so gratified, though she is probably too young to complain. She loves to go out however be the weather outside. The temperature read positive today(just on the border) & it feels so warm. Relatively. I am amazed how I underestimate my tolerance limit. From "how are people surviving in that cold" to "It's not too bad", I feel like laughing at my own deceptive mind. So, there is my first winter snowstorm & I survived gracefully. Will wait for the chinooks now. :) I have been smiling at the snow for reasons unlimited. I am known to complain about the heat & now I learnt my less...

I think I have mentioned this earlier. But I was never a big fan of this man, thanks to my limited knowledge. I always believed that violence was an answer. But, today, when I heard this man say, "An eye for an eye only makes the whole world blind" I truly hope I got the meaning behind his words. What powerful words & what noble intentions!!!! I dare not say so. By saying so, we can put him somewhere high up & continue to do our nonsenses. Today, the world is in such a state that each & every person should think like him. Maybe not totally. Extending out to the whole nation or the entire world may seem as a Mahatman...but we can surely extend our current periphery. This man went on a fast-unto-death until the Hindu Muslim fight stopped. What will he do in today's world? One Gandhi managed to get us freedom. But how many more do we need to sustain this independence? I did not go "Boo Boo Pakistan" nor "Hurray India". Finally I have grown up,...

A recent joke G told me. :) What do you call someone who talks only one language? A: An American.

I get to meet a lot of people, thanks to the classes I take S to. The one thing that has not ceased to amaze me in Canada(among many other things) is the diversity amongst people. I meet 5 people & they are all from different countries. And yet, they behave like they are equally amicable. Like, yesterday, I met a lady from Pakistan. Being in India, I've never really had ill-feelings towards Pakistani's. Pakistan, maybe. But not the people. And I told her, "You and me talking like this...It can probably happen only in Canada." To my surprise, she told me that her husband is an Indian. Canadian now, but Indian origin. From Madras. That told me they haven't been home for a very long time. She did not know that Madras has moved to Chennai now:) But seriously, all this boundaries, these limitations, who is stopping me from breaking it? After all, it is me who created it. And these Pakistanis, they talk Hindi, so hell...I can even talk to them. Is there any other pl...

Of all the things I've experienced in this life...anger, jealousy, love, affection, compassion, joy, misery, the best thing by far is Devotion. Shambho...

This is definitely a better movie-er, more like a documentary, real life story. I saw one word, Everest on the DVD & picked it up. Turns out that this guy, Erik had climbed the Everest. If that is no big deal, which I think it is, here is more truth. He is blind. Here is the IMDB rating. The documentary goes about how Erik leads a team of 6 blind kids & their guardians up to the peak of Lakhpa-Ri, 23000ft, right close to Everest. What this means to Erik & his team & how different do the Tibetans feel about this climb is potrayed very well. Sabriye, a blind German woman runs a school, "Braille without borders" at Tibet What she decides to do when 3 out of her 6 students had to go down the mountain at just 3000ft below the summit is mind-blowing. It feels right in every sense. A must watch, I would say. About Sabriye Tenberken . She is something.

This was the first time I knew so many south Indians live in this part of the world. There were only 2 shows. I have no clue how G picked up from his friend that it was happening in a downtown theatre. I don't know if I should call him a die-hard fan, but he enjoys all Rajni movies. He made me watch Sivaji as well. This one...well, let's see I survived because of Harry Potter. I was almost at the end of the last book & used G's iPhone light to read the book in the theatre. I would've been stoned to death if I was doing this in Chennai. That's for sure. The first half was over before I knew it. I enjoyed the comedy a lot. Rajni makes a good comedian. His innocence comes out. Specially the first Mariyatha electro-magnetic mode. It was sooooo funny. But I just hated so many things. -Ash was used as a doll. Well, when was the last time she wasn't? Not sure, honestly. -The songs did not stick to my mind or heart or brain. I hadn't heard it even once before wa...

Dated: Oct 1st 2010 Dear Self, The world is just so immensely beautiful. The sky is beautiful. Today, just a couple of minutes ago, I was out, looking at the night sky. The moon had not yet risen. But the sky was lit by billions of diamond-like stars. It was a perfect analogy to sing “Twinkle Twinkle” to S out by the picnic table as she fell asleep on me. I am at Hay River, NWT, Canada. Above the 60th parallel. About 500 odd km S of the Arctic Ocean. From where I sat, one of the long stretches of the beaches at Great Slave Lake, all alone, if I looked up, I had a 365 degree view. But my extended peripheral vision was a good 180 degrees only. Inspite of that, I counted…I saw 23 shooting stars. At that instant, I realized there were millions more shooting themselves out. It was so still. OK. There were dogs howling that made me think of wolves, for an instant. But still, it was still. Everything. Including me. I did not exist. I just witnessed. Life is happening at this very instant. Lif...

Today,exactly a year ago, 17th September 2009 was my first day of Shambhavi . My association with Isha. The first 40 days, for some reason, did not look like a milestone. I continued it twice even after the 40 days. And then 2 months later, I took my first trip to the Tennessee Ashram for my Shoonya. And the 6 months target was also touched. Since then, no looking back. But now, 1 year. Sure seems like a milestone. Don't know why. But it does. I am aware that there are so many people with more than 15 years association with Isha. But this is my journey. And I feel many things. Mostly grateful. Life has changed immensely. I'd have probably missed my daily practices for about 5 days in all of this 365 days. It did not seem easy to even think of doing 2 hours of practice every day for 1 year. But somehow, it happened. Between S. Between all our travels. It just happened. It feels like the worst of the my life is behind me. I don't have anything to look forward to. Just honest...

I owe today's post to Deepak . I was alone at home in the afternoon. Someone knocked on the door. I opened to find some kids. Though soliciting is not entertained in our complex, I somehow did not feel offended seeing them. One of the kids asked me to buy a piece of chocolate for $2 as donation for their school. I did not even think. Just said, "I don't have cash. Maybe some other time". They replied, "oh, okay" and found his way to the next apartment. I locked the door. But something struck me. I looked in my purse to find $20. So, picked up some laundry coins & went back after the kids. Fortunately, I found them. "Found some change", I admitted sheepishly. The boy smiled. "Thank you", he said. The chocolate tasted divine, no doubt. I don't know what made me refuse the first time. I told myself that it was ok(absolutely) to buy something unnecessary for myself. The kid's smile lit up my face. I am still smiling.

What is love? Most times, Love comes off as an expression of a feeling. It means expressing it to someone. It always needs someone to show it to. Else, it feels incomplete. Whenever I've experienced this kind of feeling I would always look for someone to show it to. It is precious. It is priceless. BUT. What if we have a feeling towards someone & that person is not around? That immense feeling that has a desperate need to be expressed, but is unable to because THE person to be showered it with is not around. Ok, you can call, talk to that person. Tell "I Love you" a million times. But still, it doesn't settle. The moment you drop that phone, you want to call back & talk it out all over again. The important fact is the pleasant feeling it leaves us with. It leaves a permanent smile. You want to smile for as long as you can. BUT again. What if I want to be loving? Not bothered. Not waiting for that perfect person to come around. What if I am able to just love. N...

I know what made me want to go to Florida(from Canada) to volunteer for the IE class. With the IE online happening, there could be some time before this class happens again. But I was not so sure after making reservations. After all, I took the class in San Francisco & I have family & friends there. It made so much sense to stay with someone whom I already knew. But there I was sitting on a plane in Calgary. Absolutely pleasant & joyful for no apparent reason. A series of fortunate events happened. IE happened. Again! And I am blown over. All over again. In a completely different way. And how so grateful I am! Today is the last day of the class. I've been living in close association with so many volunteers. SO many things happened. I can barely find words. So, I am not even going to try. But I am noticing one difference distinctly. The past is no more. The future is not here yet. I am living in the now - No, not even today. Just this moment. I have sometimes tried to re...