Thursday, September 06, 2012

He is not a man, but a possibility!!!

Life after Samyama is very different. I don't remember how life was before knowing certain truths. Nor do I know a way to go back there. In many ways, it feels like a one-way trip.

Recently, I had the opportunity to watch the IYC streaming on Sadhguru's birthday. I have no clue in what state I was within myself. I was not prepared for the surprise that hit me. Tears just swelled in my eyes. A friend asked why? what? I wish I knew.
Maybe not.

His talk shattered my world.
Every birthday, I need to celebrate my life with enough awareness that I will not have it forever. I should think about death on my birthday. My death. Quite a feat!
But the thought that is troubling me most is ...Who am I? Caught up in this world, running behind things that matter less in reality, worrying about things/people on what I have no control of, caring for my own knowing that these were all I clearly grabbed recently. Who the hell am I?

Renounciation is definitely used in a negative sense. Even to me. But bringing awareness and perspective to the facts that I have renounced my childhood to become an adult, renounced time and self to become a mother...why do I hold on to these as if they are my own???

After coming across this question 15 years ago, I stand before it, yet again. With even more velocity, I hope.

Looking at His eyes, I just realized what a huge possibility He is. To me. How lost should I be without this possibility? What a huge privilege it is to live in the same lifetime as Him!
I feel like a spec, an unknown, in this huge cosmos(which is the truth). How I feel is of no existential relevance or importance!

I am deeply grateful than I know or realize right now.