Saturday, January 29, 2011

On this day,

I feel
-moved. To have a husband who surprised me with a birthday cake(even after repeatedly saying "I don't want anything") & a daughter who discovered it in the fridge.
-blessed. To live in the same lifetime as someone like Sadhguru.
-happy. To have life in this body.
-fulfilled. To not want many things I once wanted.
-privileged. To have people who love me, in spite of all my limitations.
-complete. To have a brother I never had & a little mad girl who means the world.

A truly blessed life.
Whom do I thank? What words can convey how I feel? When will I stop wanting to express things that cannot be expressed?

Sunday, January 16, 2011


There are situations(or even people) that I'd be gladly away from. I am not a loner, but would like to stay away from people who are trouble or who may cause my inner balance to sway. I don't like to get into politics or be a subject of discussion.
But, in the last few days I realized. These people or situations are not a bad thing. They are not my enemies. They are necessary so I get out of a few things I need to get out of. All this while, these people or situations caused turmoil to tremor(situation depending) ONLY because I allowed them to do so. It was I that gave them the importance they now have.
When I saw this, it brought new strength within. My fear seems to have vanished. I no longer want to avoid situations. There is something to learn & overcome round every corner. I know I knew this all along. What was the difference? Well, it is the difference between knowing something & experiencing it. It is the difference between the mind & the self.
Thanks to the book I've been reading. I am not blindly believing the book here. But it has definitely helped me to see things from a different perspective. And that has made all the difference.
It is complete unlearning. You believe so many things when you are a child. But as you grow up, you dampen all those beliefs instead of seeking the truth. Survival becomes top priority. And then when you actually start seeking, you throw away all the garbage you've collected over the adult years so you could go back to your childhood, with the only exception: they are not just beliefs anymore.
Truly a worthy life. Every minute of it.

Sunday, January 09, 2011

Maybe I am weird

I went for a walk today. Temperature reading -13C something. But the wind was howling horrendously. I wanted to feel the wind on my face. But G gladly gave my balaclava to save my face. As I walked out, a neighbor greeted. Seeing me all geared up, he said, "I don't think you are going out now. It is -29C". The windchill, he meant. I smiled & walked down.
The minute I walked out into the cold, I realized, "-29C! What was I thinking???" I just had one layer of Jeans. The magic # is 15 or -15 to be specific. If the temperature reads below the magic#, I should be using 2 layers. Even more, snow pants. Alas! Too late. I could not feel my thighs in a little bit & the wind was bellowing from behind. I did not think of my way back just yet.
I decided to walk as much as I could. It felt so good. Just being in that pinching cold. I was decently dressed. Winter boots, jeans, a down jacket over a t-shirt, gloves, balaclava & my parka's hood. I was considerably warm. But my eyes were seeing & feeling the cold. All the drifting snow was slowing me down. I realized, "Why should I speed, anyways? I am taking a walk." And so I allowed myself to slow down.
That same minute I slowed down, I began to notice things that I would otherwise oversee.
I thought not of all the mighty animals- the bears, the deers, the wolves. But the sparrow came to mind. Yes. We have sparrows here, very similar to the ones back in India, but these are probably a tad on the healthier side. Apparently, they cannot hibernate & they live in a small enclosure outside our apartment. They fly to & fro. Maybe to keep themselves warm. I don't know if their numbers diminish in winter. But I see them surviving every minute of every day. I was so hesitant to place some bird feed outside for them the other day. I did not want to alter their habitat.
Anyways, today, I developed a heartfelt respect towards these tiny birds. It is no joke surviving the winter here in the open.
On my way back, I felt the wind. 50km per hr says the weather channel. The workers who were clearing up snow from the sidewalk, gave me a weird look. I smiled at them from inside my balaclava. Too bad they could not see it. :)
It was a short walk. Next time, I will make it longer.
Everyone should take such a walk in a blizzard/cyclone/storm. It definitely aids in looking at life differently. If we survive to tell the story, that is.