Petrichor

I have a neighbour whom I have never seen till date. All I see is meals-on-wheels dropping food for him at the door. Sometimes, there is even a note saying, "Please leave meals at the door. I am out." I may have wondered who is this person? Nothing more. Today, as I was walking out in the morning, I saw food outside his door. Lunch. Yesterday's lunch. Still intact. I did not feel right and let the office know. She thanked me(a lot) and told me that my neighbour is a really old and sweet man(living alone). She confirmed that she'd let me know what happens. I knew they would be busy and did not mind her not calling me to let me know if all is well. On my way out again in the afternoon, I noticed that the food was gone! Good sign. But then one of the workers told me that they were so concerned since morning about him. They tried to knock on his door so many times. No answer! They were to call the Police to break open the door as they were not allowed to go in. They ...

Seven days!!! And not a ray of Sun, What all I had did not matter. Every ounce of me longed for one ray of  it. And now, when it finally brightens the sky, my heart skips a beat. It hurts to see all the snow fall off the leaves. How can I have both? How can I have it all? Yet it seems only that will make me happy. The seasons happen. In time. Every year. How much I want a season to last? Every single time. How much resistance I have to face something new? Yet it happens.  The Sky clearing out  I stood my ground to take it all in.  I just was.  Tried to grasp the world through my senses. For a moment, I was glad I had my camera, then, alas! what camera can see that my eyes do?  O Elusive mind, what are you?  When did you start ruling me? How did I succumb to you? Are you separate from me? Who am I?

Life after Samyama is very different. I don't remember how life was before knowing certain truths. Nor do I know a way to go back there. In many ways, it feels like a one-way trip. Recently, I had the opportunity to watch the IYC streaming on Sadhguru's birthday. I have no clue in what state I was within myself. I was not prepared for the surprise that hit me. Tears just swelled in my eyes. A friend asked why? what?  I wish I knew. Maybe not. His talk shattered my world. Every birthday, I need to celebrate my life with enough awareness that I will not have it forever. I should think about death on my birthday. My death. Quite a feat! But the thought that is troubling me most is ... Who am I? Caught up in this world, running behind things that matter less in reality, worrying about things/people on what I have no control of, caring for my own knowing that these were all I clearly grabbed recently. Who the hell am I? Renounciation is definitely used in a negative sense....

This Summer is spelt and felt in Vancouver, BC for the family. It is a crazy land. Hippie land. water-land. Hope land. Ridiculously beautiful land. Many more positives hold good here. The city is so close to my perception of San Francisco, only better. I have never seen this city with more grateful eyes. But my first view of Vancouver was not this great. If Vancouver is the big city, Calgary is the quaint, faint town/village. And it definitely felt so the first couple of days. My being was filled with thoughts at the first sight of homeless people. Where did they come from? Are there such people here too, in Canada? The freeze-to-death winter in Calgary probably made them non-existential there. And it took me this city to realize that I had settled down in my own world(with my own idea of it, of course)...in just over 2 years!!! I found myself looking in all directions. I had no clue where I was. Not to bother what I was doing here. I was everything from resistant to suspiciou...

I've been wanting to write about my 8 day silence program ever since I got back home. But every single time I attempted to write about it, I would turn blank. After a while, I did not want to write about it at all. Four months after the program, I am not sure I realize the magnitude of its effect on me. I can definitely feel and see the changes. Almost like a new ME. Only that, if it is ME or me, doesn't seem very significant now. I don't claim that I have been there, done it all. No way! There are still so many struggles that I go through. So many things that bother me. But, somewhere, it is ok. Whatever be it. It's just OK. I don't have the need to be emotional. As much. It is so much easier to detach myself from most situations if I really wish to. What all we had to go through in the name of preparations for the program? The daily practices!!  The diet!!  The schedule changes!!! When I sat for the program, I wanted to feel, "This is it. This is th...

My last few hours in India. At the very famous Delhi T3. S asleep. I was dead exhausted physically, from carrying around a sleeping girl through immigration and security. Added to it was the fact that the flight departed at 3.00 am. I would've gladly accepted a "grumpy" label. G took a walk to refresh himself while I settled to slumber on the floor below S(lying on a sofa). He returned back & asked me to go around so I try to open my eyes in time for departure. He asked me to take a good 1 hr. But I promised him I will be back in 20 min. I planned to look around the airport, as it truly seemed to be the best Indian airport I have seen thus far(the only other is Chennai, which doesn't technically count as an International airport per say). As I continued looking on, my eyes seemed to give up on me. And then I saw it.  india. explore. ishana OMG! How did I not remember? er, how did I forget in the first place? Bells rang in my ears. Isha...Theerthkund...

Today, S turns 4. We decided to celebrate it at her school. I am not sure I have mentioned earlier that S's teacher is a person of tremendous capabilities. Many kids that turn up at the school are kids whose parents could not afford to go there. She takes little money from some & none from others. Recently, she informed me of a boy who will be joining for a few months, because....he would live only for those months. He is a 6 yr old diagnosed with brain tumor that is cancerous. And he has been granted 8 months of life, if everything goes well. I felt for this boy. But had not seen him until today. He looks like a normal 6 yr old who cannot do so many things. He has stitches across his head. He cannot eat cream from a cake. He cannot tolerate loud noise as it would hurt his head so much. Practically, everything that a 6 yr old will want to do. But he doesn't seem to complain. And here I was. Discussing things about S's education to her teacher. Suddenly, everything ab...